Skills Developed From Listening to Understand and Not to Respond
The Leadership Series
In the previous article – Leadership and Listening to Understand and Not to Respond – we laid the groundwork for why you should be intentional when listening where leadership is concerned. It is the pinnacle of this leadership model, and it has massive implications for more than most people readily understand – or will ever really achieve, to be honest. Listening to understand – REALLY listening – will build up specific skills in the intentional leader.
This article then explores the following skills (presented in order) that are developed from the leadership quality of listening to understand – Active Listening, Respect, Self-Awareness, Adaptability, and Curiosity.
Let’s take a look at each of them below.
NOTE: This article is part 11.1 of a series on Leadership here at The Wealthy Ironworker
- Foundational Leadership Truths
- Leadership and The Three Areas of Your Life
- Personal & Professional Development in a Leadership Context
- Leadership, Management, and The Skilled Trades
- The 4 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader
- Leadership and The Task-Oriented Trades
- Situational Leadership and the Skilled Trades
- Leadership and The Art of Intentionality
- Leadership and Emotional Intelligence
- Leadership and Humility
- Leadership and Listening to Understand and Not to Respond
- Skills Developed From Listening to Understand and Not to Respond
- Skills Developed Overall in the Leadership Process
- Mentored & Mentoring in Leadership
- Influence Vs. Inspiration
- Inspiration – Going Beyond Influence
***The above is subject to change as this series expands***
Listening to Understand and Active Listening
Most people aren’t looking for feedback; they are looking for someone to LISTEN to them
“Many a man would rather you heard his story than grant his request.”
– Lord Chesterfield
First up is active listening – and it’s for a reason. Active listening is defined by Carnegie Mellon University as follows: “Active listening is about making a conscious effort to hear and understand someone else.”
Indeed, I could have, with this definition, used Active Listening instead of Listening to Understand and Not to Respond – except it would not have hit as hard. There’s something about adding “Not to Respond” that really makes you think. And that’s intentional on my part.
We don’t need to talk only about what we should be doing; we also should highlight what we shouldn’t. In this case, it is our overwhelming desire to be heard – despite supposed listening to another – that needs to die a thousand deaths. Active listening is precisely that: intentionally allowing someone to talk uninterrupted – especially when that interruption is from yourself. This is NOT easy, though – which is why it’s the last quality.
Listening to Understand and Respect
When someone is Listening to Understand and Not to Respond, not only do they practice active listening, but they are also signaling they respect the one talking. Merriam-Webster defines respect as “to consider worthy of high regard.” You would think this is fairly evident – but you’d be wrong. The reason why is our unquenchable desire to be heard. We want to do all the talking. We want to be the center of attention. We want to have the focus – even if it’s just a one-on-one conversation – all on us.
When we are intentional about truly listening, however, we are taking that paradigm and flipping it upside down. Moreover, people WILL take notice. How could they not? People want to be heard, and when someone understands they are being listened to, they intuitively know something’s different.
And what stems from that? A feeling of respect – and that feeling of respect flows both from you and to you.
Listening to Understand and Self-awareness
Always looking forward as you increase your self-awareness
Oxford Languages defines Self-awareness as the “conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.” Self-awareness is one of those skills that could have been highlighted elsewhere, but for the most impact, it rightly belongs here. Why? Because the more you understand, the greater the learning and problem-solving. As you work through this particular model, your experience deepens, you become more self-aware, and your skills increase. This process of continual improvement is precisely what you want.
We should also note that as your self-awareness improves, other people notice. Recall that the respect you’re developing isn’t one-sided; other people respect you also. That respect leads to greater observation – people looking at what you do, what you think about something, how you’d handle a problem, approach a situation, deal with trouble – and as people see you being an intentional leader, they also begin to become self-aware. The amount of self-awareness other people engage in is in direct proportion to their intentionality: less intentionality, less self-awareness, more intentionality, more self-awareness. However, even if it’s just a little, it’s better than none.
Lastly, this whole process isn’t a one and done. There isn’t a level you reach, and then you are finished. This is a process, and as such, you will continue to improve (as long as you’re intentional, of course). This is where self-awareness really shines. As you are looking to improve, you know – and use – self-awareness to achieve that. What you need to improve on, you improve. What you need to cut, you cut. And what you need to adapt to, you adapt – which is a good segue into our next point.
Listening to Understand and Adaptability
Adapt and change where need be
Cambridge Dictionary defines Adaptability as “an ability or willingness to change in order to suit different conditions.” I appreciate their definition and believe that it suits this leadership model well.
There are times when you should be rigid, immovable, and standing on your principles: loving and providing for your family, not compromising your integrity, and clinging to the truth no matter the cost.
Remember, though, leadership deals with people – and people are messy. People are complicated. People also change. That means you need adaptability to be the best leader you can be, and as you become and use self-awareness, that’s precisely what you get.
Adaptability is a skill that’s really hard to develop, and this is especially true for people who function on rules, discipline, to-do lists, and the like. If you enjoy structure and rely on it consistently, you likely struggle with adaptability.
Why? There are two main reasons.
First, you likely excel at dealing with things (which are black and white), whereas people, as I’m fond of saying, are messy.
Second, adaptability often flies in the face of structure – which is exactly what to-do lists, schedules, and similar things are. What’s more, even when you have to deal with changes (or adapt), it isn’t with people – it’s with things.
HOWEVER, if you develop adaptability as an intentional leader, you’ll have an amazing superpower.
As you practice self-awareness, you see that you need to adapt your approach and how you deal with some people. Some need a more direct approach, while others respond to a different tone. Even more important is the adaptability you’ll develop, enabling you to develop approaches for both people and things.
Listening to Understand and Curiosity
Photo courtesy of Freepik
Dictionary.com has the definition for curiosity I like the most: “The desire to learn or know about anything; inquisitiveness.”
Robert Kennedy Jr., on The Joe Rogan Experience, told a story about his uncle – JFK, and when he met and was interviewed by Jaqueline Bouvier, who would ultimately become his wife. She asked him what he thought his greatest attribute was. She thought he’d say bravery since he was a veteran.
His answer, however, was curiosity.
When you, the intentional leader, Listen to Understand and Not to Respond, you ultimately develop curiosity because when you are truly listening, you’re learning from others.
Curiosity is, for my part, perhaps the best skill a person can develop. It’s true you don’t need a leadership model like this to have and/or develop curiosity. Taking it a step further, curiosity is a skill most people don’t have nor seek to develop.
Through this process that we have explored together, however, IF you are serious about being an intentional leader, you WILL cultivate curiosity. I guarantee it. It takes a lot to get to this point, but I can attest it’s worth the effort. It isn’t haphazardly placed last for a reason – it was done intentionally. It IS the crowning achievement – the end AND the beginning.
When you increase your adaptability, curiosity is cultivated. How could it not? The mere exercise of adapting to various scenarios and situations fosters an environment that brings out curiosity: How should I approach this situation? What should I do with this problem? How do I deal with this particular person? Is that person having a bad day? Is something going on in their personal life that’s affected their performance? What exactly is going on, how can I improve on things, and what do I need to do to progress?
These questions and many more are not just asked – they are answered through curiosity.
Listening to Understand: From Active Listening to Curiosity
Step by step from Active listening to curiosity
Having examined each of the above traits individually, let’s now look at a more cohesive example of how they are all intertwined and how one develops skills from active listening to curiosity.
Up until now, you’ve found The Leadership Series here at The Wealthy Ironworker to be exceptional. It isn’t like any other model you’ve ever heard of. You’ve taken steps to develop each of The 4 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader, and it has proven highly effective in your leadership journey.
Now that you have begun to develop this last quality, you notice a correlation between it and your own depth of development: This last quality requires more – but the skills developed are worth the tradeoff.
With intentionality at the foundation of everything, you Listen to Understand and Not to Respond. Building on the quality of Humility, you’re listening – REALLY listening. Called Active listening, you discover that the more you listen, the more other people seem to tell you. This helps you in numerous ways. You are an enigma to others, simply because you aren’t trying to talk over everyone else. You are quiet, you are reserved, you are composed – but you are listening, and that is valuable.
Active listening leads to respect. As you are listening to others on the job – really listening, that is – you’re telling others you respect them. What else could they do, talking with someone who isn’t merely interested in responding to what they say? What’s more, the respect flows both ways. When you truly listen to someone, they automatically respect you more, if for no other reason than because you weren’t rude by allowing them to finish talking completely. Lord Chesterfield was right: “Many a man would rather you heard his story than grant his request.” And the result of this? Respect.
Stemming from that respect is a level of self-awareness on your part. Those who work both around and for you give respect – and that increases your awareness. You more readily see your shortcomings and where you need to improve, asking questions and seeking answers. You seek to improve, and that is a direct result of being more self-aware.
Self-awareness is but one half of the equation, however. Once you know where you lack and are deficient in, you must act on that – and that’s Adaptability.
As you interact with others, you intuitively understand where you need to improve – but unlike so many in this world, you used this leadership model to improve by increasing your level of adaptability. Improving yourself through adapting is something that seems natural – but only for the intentional leader. Where others feel frustration, you feel accomplished. Each person you interact with on the job is unique, as are their personalities, their problems, their lives, and the way you deal with them. You are rapidly approaching the pinnacle, here. What’s more, other people know it, too.
This adaptability ultimately leads to perhaps the best skill you could have: curiosity.
Congratulations are in order, by the way. Yes, as stated earlier, you do not need to develop curiosity within this leadership model – however, when you do, you have the advantage. Curiosity can literally be found in every aspect of this life, from hobbies to sports and science to what makes people tick.
Within this leadership model, however, you develop curiosity about people specifically. Remember, leadership deals with people, and people are messy. Keeping this in mind, your curiosity is both disarming and infectious. People don’t just want to tell you about themselves – they also want to know you care.
When you are curious, you want to know more. You want to be more intentional – hence it being the end AND the beginning. Because this is true, you ask questions with curiosity at the core. You genuinely want to know the answer. You really want to understand. That person who is having a bad day? They KNOW you are genuine and are more likely to open up to you when you inquire as to what’s troubling them. The same goes for work. If someone has a problem, they are more likely to ask for help because you are curious – but not in a bad way. You are known to ask good questions, stemming from a curious mindset, and this helps you to develop in this leadership model.
And that, my friends, is the power of curiosity.
By now, you have become aware of your own leadership growth. Whatever natural talent you started with, you have developed a robust leadership style that’s served you well. Moreover, you’re pleased with how this particular model works within the trades. Out of all the leadership models you’ve read about and heard of (and there were many), you’ve found this one to be the most suitable.
Looking back over the various skills developed from the quality of Listening to Understand and Not to Respond, you see how it all flows together.
Listening to Understand and Not to Respond has enabled you to be active in your listening, leading to greater respect – for both you and the one talking. This brings your self-awareness to the forefront. You make adjustments as you need by increasing your adaptability – and this is all capped off with increased and ever-growing curiosity.
Each of the above was developed through Listening to Understand and Not to Respond.
As I write this leadership model out – with the skilled trades in mind – I can assure you that it is worth every bit of energy you put into it. Moreover, the old adage is true: You get out of something that you put into it. In other words, a little bit of effort yields a little bit of results; a lot of effort returns a lot of results.
If you’ve read through the series this far, you know leadership is important. What’s more, you’re also aware of how difficult leadership can be, given all of the variables we can encounter/experience.
Properly understood, leadership is vital – even if most underestimate it.
As the world becomes more mechanical, more rigid, and more management-driven in an attempt to create a process for everything, leaders are desperately needed. May you continue your leadership journey, with minimal distractions and maximum results. Long live leadership skills!
NOTE: This article is part 11.1 of a series on Leadership here at The Wealthy Ironworker
- Foundational Leadership Truths
- Leadership and The Three Areas of Your Life
- Personal & Professional Development in a Leadership Context
- Leadership, Management, and The Skilled Trades
- The 4 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader
- Leadership and The Task-Oriented Trades
- Situational Leadership and the Skilled Trades
- Leadership and The Art of Intentionality
- Leadership and Emotional Intelligence
- Leadership and Humility
- Leadership and Listening to Understand and Not to Respond
- Skills Developed From Listening to Understand and Not to Respond
- Skills Developed Overall in the Leadership Process
- Mentored & Mentoring in Leadership
- Influence Vs. Inspiration
- Inspiration – Going Beyond Influence
***The above is subject to change as this series expands***
The Wealthy Ironworker
The Wealthy Ironworker is a brand committed to excellence - through the articles on this website, associated podcast, and various consulting events.
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