The Principle of Choosing Your Pain

 

 

The Principle Series

 

 

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“We need to train ourselves to fight for positive changes. How do we do that? By remembering that our choices will lead to either the pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret.”

John C. Maxwell

 

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While reading “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth” by John C. Maxwell – widely considered by those in business as the voice of leadership – I came upon the above quote in chapter 8, The Law of Pain. I reread the quote, underlined and highlighted it, to help it jump out at me the next time I flipped through the pages.

That’s how I read books: I mark them up – especially books like this one. You know, the ones I’ve decided to do book reviews on.

 

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Related: Read The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth – Book Review

 

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For 2026, one of my main goals is to review more great books, and since I’ve had this on my shelf for some years now, it was time for an in-depth look. Part of that in-depth look is to highlight specific sentences, sections, or great nuggets I believe are worthy of remembering.

You can check out The Book Review Series, here.

Some quotes stick with you more than others, though. As I started to think of the changes I plan to make this year, I couldn’t help but think how pointed and notable it was. So much so that I decided to expand on it with this article titled:

 

The Principle of Choosing Your Pain

 

You Have A Choice

 

The pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret – your choice

 

Several years ago, I wrote The Principle of Behavior and Not Circumstances. As part of The Principle Series, it examines how it isn’t your circumstances but your behavior that is ultimately to blame (for the most part, anyway). Far too many people let their past hinder them in the present AND predict their future. You are NOT a slave to your past – although untold numbers allow themselves to be. Equally regrettable is how many people allow others to tell them they are victims of their circumstances, too.

The same applies to just about everything in life, really. Your health is one of the easiest ways to see this. You can choose the pain of self-discipline, working out to maintain/build muscle and maintaining a healthy weight – or you can eat (and drink for many of us in the trades) with reckless abandon, not working out or watching your weight only to wake up one day and live with the pain of regret. Maybe it’s a heart attack. It could be you weigh more than you’d like – complete with low energy and pain. Perhaps it’s high blood pressure and anxiety. For some, it is diabetes, and for others, it might be a host of other ailments.

Perhaps it’s dealing with your children. Maybe instead of choosing to discipline them accordingly, you found it easier to allow them “freedoms” that, looking back, were not the best. The genie is out of the bottle, though, and rather than choosing the pain of disciplining them early on, you now deal with the pain of regret.

Or it could be balancing work and your family. Rather than choosing the self-discipline to navigate through the tough choices early on, you now look back, wishing you had, and are living with the pain of regret. Your children are grown up, moved on, and if you could do it all over again, you’d choose differently.

So would just about everyone, really.

The same could be said with interests, hobbies, and numerous other things our lives consist of, too. Do we choose the pain of self-discipline now – or, by default, the pain of regret later?

There are so many variables where the pain of regret is concerned.

 

Which One Will You Choose

 

Which one will you choose?

 

To be honest, it is far easier to choose the pain of regret. The reason is simple, too: you get to do what you want, and usually for a long time. Often, it’s only when presented with something health-related related we decide to make life changes – IF we even decide to make them AT ALL. How many people continue smoking even though they’ve been told it is the cause of some health ailment? What about excessive drinking? Overeating? Lack of exercise and health breaking down? What about the fast and fleeting time with your children who are only young once?

I’m betting you know plenty of people who live this way.

Or, perhaps it is you.

If you feel like I’m talking to you, then maybe I am.

Photo courtesy of Pinterest

 

 

Other Examples of The Pain Comparison

 

With Children

 

The pain of regret, where children are concerned, is ALMOST PARALYZING – choose wisely

 

It isn’t just reserved for your health, either. How about the way you raise your kids? It takes enormous amounts of self-discipline to pour into them as an investment, but to be sure, it is preferred over the pain of regret.

What’s more, I know SO MANY people who wish they had been more intentional about spending time with their kids. They are only young once, after all; they literally grow up right before our eyes. Rather than getting accustomed to the pain of self-discipline, wrestling with work-life balance for the sake of maximum time with our families, we forge on, and the next thing we know, the pain of regret has set in.

The ironic part is no matter how much intentionality you use when it comes to your kids, every parent still has regrets. I’ve never met a parent who said they spent too much time with their kids – quite the opposite, really. All the more reason to get accustomed to the pain of self-discipline as quickly as possible – for the most benefit.

 

With Finances

 

The pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret with finances can be exceptionally painful

 

Ahh, the mistakes so many make when it comes to finances. I have never met someone who wished they had saved less or started later in life. On the contrary, EVERY person I’ve ever spoken with – or those I’ve read about – all wished they had saved more and started earlier. Compound interest needs time to work its magic.

We see the pain of self-discipline pitted against the pain of regret here, too.

When you wrestle with and become accustomed to the pain of self-discipline, you make it a priority to save. This is true for current finances (budgeting) as well as retirement. What’s more, the pain of regret is more pronounced when it comes to retirement; time has passed, and people no longer have the means to remedy their choices. The crunch is on, as it were.

 

***This is one of the many reasons we here at The Wealthy Ironworker advocate for union membership – retirement is something built into the total package. This typically looks like a pension and an annuity fund (very similar to a 401K). The ubiquitous 401K, what most Americans have, “was never intended to be the primary vehicle for saving for retirement,“ according to Ted Brenna – the creator of the 401K plan. ***

 

Time

 

Time is a cruel master to all; choose the pain of self-discipline to get the most out of it

 

Ahh, the cruelty that is time; it is THE MOST PRECIOUS RESOURCE YOU HAVE. And yet many of us waste so much of it – at least, if we are honest with ourselves. I know I have. LOTS, I’m afraid.

You know you have, too.

While we can’t get back our lost time, we can allow the pain of regret (for lost time) and use it to fuel us into the pain of self-discipline – being more diligent about our time, what we do with it, how we gift it, etc. We could go on and on since EVERYTHING is affected by time, but the point is made: it’s important, and we should be intentional about how we use this most precious of resources.

 

***Consequently, this is another one of the reasons we advocate for union membership here at The Wealthy Ironworker. You are exchanging your time – that most valuable resource you will ever have – and coupled with your labor AND experience, for monetary compensation, it’s likely not enough. You will miss out on family events, time with kids, your time with hobbies will be reduced, many will go out of town to work (this is especially true for those of us in the skilled trades), time with your spouse, community, church, etc. There is NOTHING that will not be affected by your going to work and exchanging your time for monetary compensation.

That’s how the game is structured and played. Would it not be better for you to get the most bang for your buck? Far better for you to join a union – or organize your workplace – and get a better deal.***

 

You can check out Time: THE Most Important Asset and  Time Isn’t Money – It’s worth SO Much More for additional articles discussing the importance of this.

 

Family

 

EVERYONE I know wishes they had more time with loved ones who have passed on

 

Building off time for a bit, the pain of regret stings fresh for millions across the country. “I wish I had one more day with _______.” I bet you know someone who has said this.

Or perhaps you have said it yourself.

Listen, no matter how much time you intentionally spend with family, it is almost certain you will still have regrets when their time is up. It’s far better, though, for you to choose the pain of self-discipline to help you spend as much time with those you love for as long as you can before you can’t.

It could be a long-distance visit. Maybe it’s mending a fractured family relationship (I know this one, myself). It could resemble making those routine phone calls and letting someone know you value them.

Whatever it looks like and no matter what you are facing in this arena, allow the pain of self-discipline to propel you to overcome obstacles, make wise choices, and invest what time you may have left wisely with those you love.

 

Opportunities

 

Will you walk through the door to opportunity?

 

Let’s talk about opportunities for a moment. Most people I know have regrets when it comes to them (opportunities). The old saying “opportunity only knocks once” may not be right, but if you consistently ignore them, you will most certainly live in the land of regret.

Why?

Because when you ignore them, you eventually begin to think in the realm of “what if,” and that is a terrible place to be. If you take a second and ask someone if there is something they regret not doing, I guarantee you they can fire upon request – I’ve never met someone who couldn’t.

Perhaps it is an opportunity to start a business. Or it’s the chance to get on board of a startup. It could be you can think of the chance to study, embrace, and pursue sheer opportunity for opportunity’s sake. You know what I mean, here: there is an article (and podcast episode about it) discussing this very thing – it’s that important of a talking point.

Hint: pursue opportunity for all your worth. Passion vs Opportunity is the article, and below is the podcast episode.

 

Whatever your recollections, mistakes, and regrets, far better that we discuss them openly with others, attempting to inform anyone who’s listening. Everyone I’ve ever talked to would rather have made the choice than dwell in the land of “what if.”

The land of “what if” haunts everyone on this planet.

 

Conclusion

 

So, let me ask you: what pain will you choose? The pain of self-discipline is a conscious choice – deliberate and intentional – whereas the pain of regret is one by omission. It’s also where the vast majority of people live.

They don’t have to, though: With The Art of Intentionality in Your Life, coupled with The Principle of Choosing Your Pain, you have a one-two combo for living an effective, thought-provoking, purpose-filled life that avoids the land of “what if.”

Knowing the above, what will you choose? The pain of self-discipline, or the pain of regret?

Let me know if the comments and if you have a story of regret you’d like to share to help others avoid it – or the land of “what if,” PLEASE either comment or send me a message, and let’s talk. We desperately need people to tell their stories for others to learn from.

It’s better to learn from someone else’s mistakes than our own.

 

 

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